Dear Me,
I know there are not many people who would sit down like this to write to themselves. But, I have to do that today because I need to talk to myself, to this girl who resides inside me.
I have no idea how to begin this and how to discuss things with you. I know looking back at all these years; you have gone through a lot of trauma and pain. I remember the day Mom thrashed you for being in love with Edward, the day she read your personal diary and things changed drastically. I remember the day you sat in the school playground alone and wept endlessly; the day you kept telling your best friend that you can’t go back home because home hurts. I also remember the day you were so close to fulfilling your dream of being a Pilot but your parents manipulated everything and eventually didn’t let you go. Shortly after that, you met with an accident while you were on a bike with a close friend and she died, you didn’t. I remember how her family indirectly accused you of not suffering as much as she did. I remember how you were left so alone. Life seemingly reached a full-stop.
Today, you’re still suffering because your father hates you and doesn’t consider you his daughter; your boyfriend loves you but you don’t love him even though you know he deserves your affection; you love your best friend and that has complicated the purest relationship you had; you are lost, most of the times. I want you to know that you do not necessarily need this man so much, you’re fooling yourself into believing that you need him because he has given you the kind of emotional support that no one ever could. You are used to him and that is why it’s tough for you to accept that practically you have to stop depending on him so much. Seriously girl, you have to print this in your mind and heart and soul: ‘Do not depend on anybody so much.’ I know things just happen and at times they are not even in your control but you’re a very strong person. Why can’t you become that Hope that people think exists? Why can’t you be that strong and courageous girl who faces the adversities of life with a smile and optimism? Why can’t you be that Hope who people look up to because they think she is special, positive and lovely? I won’t say you’re bad nor pathetic because I know deep down you’re a beautiful person but come on, you know you’re not sure about yourself at times.
You do not need an Edward or a Jacob to complete you. Do not let your life be governed by others. Do not let somebody’s actions or words or ideas affect you so much. Think about it. You wish to do a Masters in Journalism and presently it’s just a vague thought because of family and relationship issues but what about your aspirations? What about the Hope who wishes to travel the world and do small and big things to experience life wholly? What about the Hope who wishes to write beautiful words? You know you haven’t lost yourself yet, but don’t take too long in holding yourself back to being who you are essentially. Start depending on your own self, start shaping up your life and be strong. It will all turn out to be right in the end. Have faith and love yourself.
Love,
Me
The Diary of Hope 